


jealousy

by xslytherclawx



Series: HP Rare Pair Bingo - Round 2 [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Anthony Goldstein, Bisexual Neville Longbottom, Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Harry Potter Rare Pair Bingo: Round 2, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28425345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xslytherclawx/pseuds/xslytherclawx
Summary: Neville is jealous. He'll admit as much to his friends.But he won't tell them exactly why.
Relationships: Anthony Goldstein/Neville Longbottom
Series: HP Rare Pair Bingo - Round 2 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980191
Kudos: 9
Collections: All Your Faves Are Jewish, Harry Potter Rare Pair Bingo: Round Two!, xslytherclawx's Prompt Collection, xslytherclawx's jewish fic, xslytherclawx’s events collection





	jealousy

Neville tries not to stare. Really, he tries. It’s just harder than he thought.

He asks Luna, once, offhand, how he makes it look so effortless. Luna shrugs and says that she doesn’t think it’s effortless at all. It’s a lot of effort.

He only makes it look easy because he’s had so much practise.

And that might be true.

Well, Neville thinks, it probably is true. 

But he’s still jealous.

He can admit that. To himself. To Luna. To Ginny. Even to Hermione once or twice.

Of course, he doesn’t tell them  _ what _ he’s jealous of.

He lets them believe that it’s because he wishes he were smarter. Better at school. Less socially awkward. Less forgetful. 

And that’s all, broadly speaking, true, too.

But it’s not the crux of the issue.

The crux of the issue is that Anthony Goldstein is out.

He’s out and proud. Everyone knows it. It’s not a defining aspect of his personality, of course. Not like it is for newly out people. But everyone knows.

Neville’s pretty sure that Luna knows. Probably Ginny, too. Hermione’s too smart not to have sorted it out. Probably.

He’s never asked them what they think. He’s afraid of the answer, truthfully.

* * *

In Charms, Professor Flitwick asks them to partner up for a new spell. Before Hermione can ask him to be her partner, Anthony beats her to it.

The thing about Anthony is that they’re friends. Sort of. At least, he doesn’t seem to dislike Neville. They don’t really talk much, especially not outside of class, but this isn’t the first time Anthony’s asked to work with him.

Usually, though, it’s in Herbology, which makes sense, because Herbology is the one subject Neville is undeniably  _ good _ at.

He’s not bad at Charms, but Anthony – and Hermione, too, for that matter – is better.

He doesn’t know why Anthony asks to work with him, but he’s a bit too selfish to turn him down.

Of course, because Anthony is so good at Charms, and because Neville’s not bad himself, they make quick work of it. Really, Neville has to thank the D.A. for his proficiency in Charms. He doubts he’d even be in this class were it not for that.

When he voices this thought to Anthony, Anthony tells him that he’s being far too hard on himself.

“Maybe,” Neville agrees, though he doesn’t see how.

“Neville, you’ve actually fought Death Eaters. In person. Who else can say they’ve done that? Let alone people our age.”

He knows who can say they’ve done that: Harry, Hermione, Ron, Luna, and Ginny. He also knows it’s a rhetorical question.

“That’s different. I really didn’t have a chance to think that through.”

Anthony actually laughs, though not unkindly. “That’s  _ such _ a Gryffindor thing to say.”

Neville feels himself blush at the praise. At least he thinks it’s praise. It’s sometimes difficult to tell whether Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs mean  _ Gryffindor _ as a compliment.

“At least now I know the Sorting Hat wasn’t completely wrong.”

“Where’d you think it’d put you?” Anthony asks.

“Honestly, I was terrified it’d kick me out for not being powerful enough. My gran thought I was a squib. But… I thought if it accepted me, I’d probably be a Hufflepuff.”

He knows as he says this that Anthony has friends in Hufflepuff (Anthony seems to have friends everywhere), so he won’t take it as a slight against Hufflepuff. “I could see it,” Anthony says. “But I think in the end, Gryffindor was the right move. Even if I’d rather live with Ernie and Justin than… well.”

Neville snorts. “You know Zacharias Smith is a Hufflepuff, right? And in our year.”

“Yeah, but he’s kind of good-looking? Ernie and I are mates, and Justin’s too posh, but…”

“You do  _ not _ want to date someone you share a dormitory with,” Neville says. 

“Harry and Ron seem to get on fine.”

Neville rolls his eyes. “Don’t let Ron hear you say that.”

“What? He’s not homophobic, is he?”

“I’m not sure I’d call him  _ homophobic, _ but last year Seamus made a joke about him fancying Viktor Krum and Ron got  _ quite _ defensive.”

“Noted,” Anthony says.

In spite of himself, Neville asks, “How do you manage it?”

“Manage what?”

“Being  _ out. _ All the time. Like you are.”

Anthony shrugs. “Well, it probably helps that my uncles are all gay or bi. My uncle Isaac is bi, and he’s married my uncle Dan, who’s gay. My uncle Iain is bi, and he’s married to my aunt Miri, who’s… also bi. So it’s never really been a taboo thing in my family. I think my uncles – Isaac and Dan, I mean – got together when I was… about two? Maybe I was three. Before I can remember, anyway. So I’ve never  _ not _ had openly… well, not-straight adults in my life. And one of my dad’s cousins is a lesbian, and she’s – well, she’s a Muggle, so she can’t get married, properly, but she’s been with the same woman for decades, too.”

It makes sense. Neville suspects part of it, too, that Anthony will never admit to, is having grown up not only with parents who are able to communicate with him, but who support him and love him unconditionally. Neville doesn’t have that. He knows his gran loves him, of course, but she’s never hidden the fact that he’s a disappointment.

He’s never really wanted to add on to the pile.

“For what it’s worth… my uncle Isaac didn’t come out until he was… well, he came out to his friends ages before he told even my dad, but… still,  _ none _ of that happened until after he left Hogwarts. There’s no universal right time to do it. It’s just whatever feels right to you. I knew my roommates would be fine with it, and my parents obviously were, too, and it felt like it was the right time.”

Neville isn’t stupid. He’s not as smart as most of his friends, but he’s not stupid.

He can figure out why Anthony’s assuring him that there’s no universal time to come out.

“Am I that obvious?” he asks, sotto voce.

“No,” Anthony says. “But asking how I’m comfortable being  _ out _ and not being  _ bi _ was… enough to sort everything else out.”

The relief is instantaneous. If nothing else, at least he’s not obvious.

“Besides, your best friends are Luna Lovegood and Ginny Weasley.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We all sort of huddle together even before we know. Like penguins.”

Neither Luna nor Ginny have told him anything about not being straight, but then he supposes he hasn’t told them anything, either. Besides, Anthony speculating doesn’t mean he’s right. “Oh.”

Anthony reaches over and squeezes his hand. “As I said: there’s no universal time. Just whatever feels right. There’s no shame in staying in the closet until you’re ready – though, personally, I’d recommend telling your close friends before you tell  _ everyone.” _

Their class ends then and Neville catches Anthony by the sleeve of his robes. “Would you want to… talk about this a bit more?”

Anthony grins. “And you thought you wouldn’t be a perfect Gryffindor.”

**Author's Note:**

> come visit me on [tumblr](https://xslytherclawx.tumblr.com/), and feel free to join my Harry Potter [discord server](https://discord.gg/yb6bS3c)!


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